I Love You Mom

the lovely flower

 

 Over the last few years, Yann and I toyed with the idea of my coming over to California to spend a few months with my mom while she was/is in good health. Yann and I wonder what the best time was, and like things that are not urgent, it was pushed back to let's wait and see maybe next spring, or after the baby is born, or maybe after this project or after we do this or that… and then my brother found out he had cancer earlier this year and I came home as soon as I could planning to stay a few weeks to see if I could help out and then Covid 19 came along, such a game-changer which prolonged my stay giving me the incredible moment of extended time to share with my mother.

A blessing in disguise.

 

Since I married and moved to France I have come back to California to visit my family every year for a few weeks. At first, I came alone, then with the birth of each of our two children, we never missed a year and sometimes coming twice in a year. It was a commitment Yann and I made when we married, I would move to France but I would come back to visit my family every year and when we had children they would come too we kept to it no matter the cost nor what was going on in our lives. It wasn't easy at times, but we managed to make it work. As our children grew and became adults they started to come to visit my family on their own which meant I had succeeded in giving them the opportunity to know my family as deeply as if we lived here. 

 

 

my childhood room

(My childhood room)

So here I am. With my mom in her home that I have known since I was a child, it has been three months. Now I must toy with the idea of when to go home. I flew over with Luftansa their flights have been grounded since March, nonetheless, I learned today that their flights will restart in June I am told.

My mother and I have spent our day tending the house, the garden, cooking, watching old movies, and observing the ever-changing fields around the house. Spending our time at home as many are doing to be safe for ourselves and others has removed the commitments, routines, and expectations that have given way to abundant time to simply be together which I have loved. A mighty blessing.

 

 

Mom

What I have learned is that my mother and I are similar but very different from one another. I have known this since I was a child. But being together as we have I see our differences not as a problem but more out of curiosity. How did I grow up so different from my mom? She is structured where I am spontaneous, she is a rule follower except for card playing. My mom follows a recipe to the grain of salt never altering what a recipe calls for, I cannot follow a recipe (I like to make them up), and if I must follow a recipe I usually change it ten times over. When we were working on puzzles she sees the puzzle by their shapes where I see the pieces of a puzzle by color. My mom prays the rosary I pray in silence. My mom can keep a secret, um… I cannot. My mom leads her life according to her faith, her God, the sees the good in people. I do too after I look around the corner, question, and maybe change directions here and there. I admire my mother's qualities especially because I lack them… Especially her courage to face anything through the lens of faith and goodness.

My mother is comfortable in her skin a rare gift these days for older women it seems, she is generous in her day to day life with others, and doesn't doubt who she is she is:

A woman of faith and goodness.

I am fortunate to have this time with my mom. To be alone with her. To sit through days just being together watching re-runs of Gunsmoke and Jeopardy. 

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful graceful firecracker Mother! 

xxx

Also Happy First Mother's Day dear darling Chelsea

xxx

Tell me about your mother.

 

 



Comments

18 responses to “I Love You Mom”

  1. Happy Mother’s Day to you, your Mom and daughter! My Mom is amazing too. She loves to cook for us. And usually insists that she be the one to make dinner. She says it makes her feel like a Mom. And she loves that feeling. She works very hard with my Dad running the family business. My Dad owns a home building business and has literally built over 400 homes since 1976. I am amazed at my Mom. Most people say it’s hard to work with your spouse. My Uncle use to say that they are more married than most because they are able to work together without killing each other! My Mom let’s my Dad lead. But she will also step forward to lead when he asks her to. She’s literally had 13 pregnancies. But miscarried countless times due to O negative blood. She was in love with every baby she had. There are only 6 of us that made it. She loves to have a good time and celebrate every holiday. She loves to plan parties. She is extroverted. I am introverted like my Dad. We compliment each other beautifully. 🙂

  2. Happy Mother’s day to you all.
    I love all you share.
    I wish I had my Mother still with us and my precious Grandmother as well.
    I adored them both as you know.
    Have a great day and enjoy every ounce of sharing this sacred time with your Mother
    Sending love to you all
    Jeanne

  3. Debbie Lawton

    This is such precious time for you with your Mum.
    My Mum is a beautiful,loving, caring and giving person who has loved us and supported us throughout our lives. Sadly in December she had to go into Dementia care, we had tried for many months to keep her safely at home with my sister and myself and our stepdad being there, taking care of her around the clock.
    It has been incredibly difficult not being able to visit her over the last 8 weeks, we are able to do “Zoom calls” and today, we delivered flowers to the gate and spoke to her on the phone while waving at her from the gate of the retirement village – this made us and her as happy as we can be in this sad situation.
    Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!

  4. My mom married young and then devoted her entire life to her husband and children. She put her dreams and desires on hold. She was madly in love with my dad. She was young when she passed away, which was, of course, devastating. My vision of her is one of a housewife, starting at dawn, zipping around the house, dusting, vacuuming, cooking (always cooking some meal or snack or something, given she had 8 kids,) getting 8 kids ready for the school bus, cleaning, fixing, nursing a sick kid. Her life was so busy, she had little time for herself. After she passed away I found stacks of poems she’d written. It must have been late at night, after dinner was made and dishes done (no dishwasher,) after homework was completed and school lunches were made, after kids (and dad) were all tucked in. When she got a precious minute to herself. I really miss her.

  5. Cynthia Thompson

    My Mom, sweet, strong, smart, caring, insightful,understanding, relentless in her fight against any injustice and so much more, but I will stop now! A most Happy and Blessed to everyone. Thank you again Corey for this space to share.

  6. Ann of Avondale

    Got up thinking of my mom who passed away a few years ago. I still miss her dearly and hang on to every good memory I have of her. She dressed most stylish and beautifully and that is where I got my love for fashion and style. She was an expert seamstress and taught me to sew. But mom made me some of the most beautiful dresses and outfits, wish I had them today.
    Mom was incredibly creative. She would make pinecones into the most beautiful centerpieces. She sprayed them with gold metallic spray paint, put them in a basket with a red bow and walla a beautiful centerpiece.
    Mom cooked like a chef, we ate so healthy and everything was organic. She was incredibly generous. When we had weddings, funerals, etc. where there was a feast, she would put together plates of food and have me deliver them to priests, older people, and the forgotten.
    Mom was a women of great faith. She always prayed for her children, I would get a card that she and dad spent an hour in prayer and Adoration for me.
    Corey, I’m very happy that you are spending this time with your mother. It truly is a blessing in disguise. Also, happy mother’s day to you!

  7. My home is full of items given to me, many of them made by her too, by my mom. This month she will have been gone 15 years, dying at the young age of 64. I still miss her, of course I do. The other night I dreamed she had “just” died, living 15 years longer than expected after her cancer diagnosis, and I grieved with the same intense sorrow of 15 years ago. I know how lucky I was to have a good mom; she became a mom at only 17, so how she did such a good job of it all, I don’t know. I just know I was incredibly fortunate and you would think, wouldn’t you, that after all this time I could write this without crying, but no. -Kate

  8. Your mother is an amazing lady and what a joy that you have spent this extended time with her. She seems to be smiling in every photo.
    My mother had dementia and passed away in February, the day before her birthday. I find myself remembering how she was when I was a child. Full of energy, loving to garden, cook and bake. Her love of her husband and daughter were obvious as was their love of her.Hearing her play the organ and sing. Dad’s niece sent me photos I’d never seen before of Mom and Dad and peewee me. So happy!
    Every school day she’d make me oatmeal and then send me off with a hug and these words. “Stand up straight. Get the hair out of your face and don’t walk like a duck”.🤣. So everyone, follow those words and to all mothers and grandmothers and dog and cat moms-Have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

  9. This is a lovely post. It’s a balancing act,living away,FAR away,from family.
    I have been in Switzerland almost 14 years, but I have always been able to be in the USA twice a year. To see my family in Alaska, and to see our daughters in Chicago. This perhaps will be the first year with zero visits and it causes me to:
    A. Realize in a deeper way how fortunate I have been, B. Be thankful my father went home to heaven, to join my mom, last summer – and I was there before he passed and to be with my brother for the funeral, and C. I’ve become more aware of my tendency to be a bit of a control freak. Without plans set in advance for travels to the States, I feel so untethered.
    I am hopeful that in this present situation I will grow a little at a time, in patience and trust, looking to God for daily grace.
    Prayers for your travel plans, Corey. That it will fall into place and you’ll be home in France at the perfect time xx

  10. Something I wrote in about 2004 just after we moved my little mum into a nursing home and posted a year after she died. It’s a bit lengthy.
    Your mom sounds a lot like mine, always leaning on her faith in God and always seeing the good in others.
    https://humbleofferings-jdm.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-little-mum.html

  11. I see my mother in my ability to shift to the times. She was a strong woman and a mover and shaker for her times. Recently I got to see her again in a handwritten recipe. It was my Italian grandmother’s cake recipe which I then shared with my daughter. I’m grateful to have Mom’s sister as one of my best friends. And my husband who is my strong and beautiful companion. Sometimes it’s hard and I just cry. Most days I avoid the question ‘when will I see you again?’ Every day I just move forward. We live in paradise and so so lucky. Stand still and wait on the will of heaven.

  12. She was the soft sunshine in the morning and the warm breeze at night. The kindness in her soul extended to all. Always a joyful tone in her voice and so happy to see you. She was the center of our life and the reason we all came together. She was our glue. We have managed to go on without her but she still makes her presence known often. She has come through to mediums without being asked who have reached out to me and my sister. Once on her most recent birthday I received a phone call at 11 pm from a relative who unbeknownst to me is a medium and she asked me “whose birthday is today”. I said “oh my it’s my moms why?”. She said “she’s coming through and wants to talk”. That talk lasted 4 hours! This has happened several times now to myself and my sister. She wants us to know she’s still with us every day and walks along side us whenever we need her. So even in the afterlife she is still a part of our lives only in a different way. Her love is never ending! Happy Mother’s Day to you all!

  13. Texas Francophile

    Oh Corey each post i think now this is the best, but no this is the best!!! How wonderful this time with your Mother has been! Accidental gift. Hopefully soon you can return to France feeling so good about your time together. You didnt mention Sacha will he return with you? My Mother was a princess and I loved her so much. Due to the war she didnt marry til age28. My Daddy was the love of her life, I was their only child. This little trio lived all over the world and my Daddy was always in the lead and we were his girls. Coming from a small town in Tx she met Daddy on a blind date. Soon after they married they moved to post war Kuwait. She was always separated from her family but once a year we returned for nice long memorable visits. Most of my childhood was spent in Venezuela where there was a large American oil companies community. My Mother was a wonderful cook and my Daddy loved to entertain so there were lots of parties!!! My Mother loved pretty. Pretty clothes, pretty flowers, pretty tablescapes, Manicures, etc. She wasn’t into hard work. HA.
    My Daddy lived til 90 and Mother til 92. I feel so fortunate to have had so much time with them but I do miss them soooooo. Famous quote from Mother “now Barbara that was not lady like”♥️

  14. BEAUTIFUL POST!
    MY MOTHER loved her vodka and water each night and played BRIDGE!She had a good sense of humor and adored ANIMALS!SHe kept a clean house and always loved to ANTIQUE SHOP!
    SHE had good taste in clothes and THINGS!
    WE TOO ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT!
    XX

  15. Diogenes

    Well one thing you have in common is the interior design gene. You both have a great eye and a skill to pull things together. I enjoy seeing pictures of all her creativity and yours.

  16. I love this post.
    Mother’s Day can be difficult for me some years because I long for a Mother like yours.
    My mom is extremely intelligent, highly educated and skilled in not only her profession as a life long RN, teaching nursing, hospital administrator, etc., but as a seamstress, tailor, maker-she can craft as well as Martha, teacher of so many homemaking skills, and has so many talents it’s ridiculous! At 94.5 years she still remembers the addresses for all the bills she has to pay, their phone numbers, and details about things most of us long forgot. She remembers names, addresses, phone numbers for family and friends. During this time of Covid19 the manager at her Senior Living Complex asked her to make everyone masks, which she happily did, 2 for each employee and resident -banged them out like they were pband j sandwiches. She couldn’t find the book she wanted at their library, so she reorganized the entire place in 2 days. She instructs the Activities Chair how to better assist those in her complex with their PT and other therapies through particular crafts that will do double duty because therapy should be fun. She managed to change the dietitian’s menu choices for certain meals because she was able to prove the changes would be more nutrient dense for seniors who have digestive problems or who limit food intake. She formed a group of residents that enabled them to change which services the facility would or should provide, which markets to shop at, which entertainment the group preferred, and even to request where to go on monthly outings. (She lives in Las Vegas and they were done with always being dumped at a casino for the day) She’s a powerhouse!
    My mom is incredible. My mom also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2017/07/the-forgotten-children-of-narcissistic-parents/), is a pathological liar, and has Munchausen Syndrome, also known has Factitious Disorder (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/factitious-disorder-munchausen-syndrome). These combined mental disorders made her life very difficult while appearing very stable and successful. She was married 5 times, moved very often (I lived in 23 different places before I was 18), and never had a friendship longer than 3 years, because it is very hard to endure her demands. Being a mother was also a very difficult challenge for her and much so for her children. In public we were the poster for the perfect family! On the inside and behind closed doors, not so much.
    As children we couldn’t understand what was happening, why our normal was so different than others, and it took us decades as adults to figure it all out because Mom professed to be ‘successful’, ‘acknowledged’, and ‘revered’. However since discovering her issues, I have been able to go back and sort through our childhood, young adulthood and to finally forgive her for things she has no control over. I look forward to heaven because I believe that once she leaves this life she will be healed completely and I will know her for her real self, and finally have a mother who knows how to love and care for others.
    I love hearing about other mothers who have shown nothing but love and compassion towards their children. These are the mothers who taught me how to mother, how to love, and how real moms can be. Thank you so much for sharing about your sweet mother! She sounds just lovely!

  17. I’m a bit late, but wishing you and your sweet Mother a very happy day. Every day is Mothers Day! You are so blessed to be able to spend all this time with Mom again. I miss my mom so very much, so I know how precious this time is for both of you. I’m so happy I got to meet your sweet mom last November at her shop. When this is all behind us, I will hope to visit the shop again.
    Blessings to you Corey. Enjoy your time back “home”.

  18. Mother’s Day is very difficult. I love your posts about your mom Corey, and about everyone else’s, for I get to experience for an instant what it might be like to have had a different mother.
    My mother was never kind or compassionate; she did not consider my needs as a child when making decisions. To her it was nothing to let go my hand when I was 5, and she was running for a bus, leaving me behind crying and surrounded by strangers. When I was released from hospital after having surgery, she made me hitchhike home; not because she did not have the money, but because I was not worth it. Needless to say, I was never asked for a Christmas list or for what I wanted for my birthday. When I graduated from highschool, she went into my bank account and stole over $10 thousand in scholarship money. When I checked my account and asked her about it, she sneered “what do you think you have been living off?!”. When I graduated from art school, I went to Europe to visit my biological father; she sold all my art work and pocketed the money. I never made another piece of art again. She vowed to me that she would never give me a penny for a wedding, and after over 30 years and two children, we are not married. There seemed little point — his mother did not approve of weddings she told us, and on my side of a the family, I only had my stepdad, and no one else cared about me.
    When she and my stepfather, who was my only family, were divorcing and going through the property settlement, she tried to accuse him of sexually abusing me so that she could get more through the property settlement. I did not speak to her for more than 10 years after that, even while I went through cancer.
    I last spoke to her 4 years ago, when she had imposed herself on us for two weeks. She started yelling at me that she would report us to child social services for brainwashing our daughter into believing she had ADHD. That was the final straw for me. But still she insists on trying to talk to my children, pouting about our lack of contact, sending my partner angry emails at work.
    My greatest worry is that I am not good enough as a mother. I will never be my mother, would never do to my children what she did to me — have always told them I love them and that I believe in them, and have tried to help them in every way possible, but still I know that I am not always a very good mother. I am impatient, I snap. I struggle with self-confidence and know that it rubs off on them. I did not manage to teach them that they have responsibilities and duties around the house, and so they do not help, which is particularly hard during the lockdown with everyone at home.
    Everyone who had a loving mom is so incredibly lucky; you have no idea how lucky you are. You don’t need me to say this out loud, but Corey, you have such an amazing mom!
    I am just profoundly grateful that I had a loving stepdad, because his love for me, and his faith in me, is all I ever had.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.